I used to be afraid of a lot of things. Mostly I was afraid of people disapproving of me or what I did. Even though I tried so hard to do everything exactly right, it hurt so much when I would fail.
Julie dealt with a lot of that too. She would get so angry when she messed up. She was so hard on herself. I’m pretty sure she learned that from me. But before she went home, I saw her treat herself with kindness and respect. I know that was a blessing of the Lord on us.
Right after losing Julie, I was easy on myself and didn’t try to overdo anything. If I needed rest, I rested. I didn’t take on any task unless it had to be done right then. That part was easy because I didn’t care about anything then. I couldn’t. It was all I could do to get up.
Now I’ve started to pressure myself into feeling better, doing more, contributing. Wow, it didn’t take me long to fall back into that bad habit of trying to be everything.
What I really want is to sit and let the Lord hold me. That’s it. I don’t want to be anywhere else. It’s the only place where there is real peace.
But there are things to be done and so many distractions. The challenge of focusing on Him and seeking His face each moment becomes more and more difficult.
Last night I missed praise team practice. I’d had to lie down after work because I was so tired. I woke up thirty minutes into practice time. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. I guess that should be my signal to slow down.
I should take the advice of the ICU nurse when Julie had her accident. We all thought Julie was going to live, but that her recovery would be a long one.
I wanted to stay with her that first night but the nurse strongly urged me to go home and sleep. She said this was going to be a marathon and not a sprint. She was right. It is.
This race will last the rest of my life. So I have to be prepared to run, or more accurately to crawl a steady pace. I have to be willing to stop and take the Living Water offered to me at every turn.
What a joy to know that the Lord is waiting, always ready to take me into His arms to strengthen and comfort me. What a lovely place of rest He is.